Hi everyone. This has been a pretty shitty week. I feel so down in the dumps that I can't even summon any sarcasm...I know, its scares me too.

Hi peeps...just trying out my mobile blogger capabilities lol

Are you sure this is my life???

So, haven't written in a while. Not too much going on with the Fibro - same shit different day. The tiredness is becoming a little overwhelming. I get so damned frustrated that I can't do the things I want to do when I want to do them.

Anyway, on to better thoughts. I think I've had enough of the single life. I've distanced myself from a lot of my "old crew" which means that I have to figure out the whole dating thing again. YUCK, LOL. All I know is that I want a guy who is comfortable enough in his own masculinity that he's not threatened by my independence. Well, I guess I'd like one who shares the same love of music & family, too (several nice, sexy tattoos wouldn't hurt either ;o) All I really have to offer is myself. I'm not rich or beautiful or even completely sane. I come with baggage & I've been known to be bitchy once or twice (jeez, that lightening strike was awfully close LOL). But I do have a big capacity to love. As my bestie, Peanut would say...Le Sigh!!

I guess I'm just tired of relying on myself all the time and would really appreciate someone to lean on now & then (which is really hard for me to do) and the opportunity to be leaned upon (LOL, that can be taken soooo many ways). Shit, I didn't know that I felt this strongly...I'm sitting here tearing up dammit (I hate crying). Life as a single mom can be a little lonely sometimes. It's strange to feel lonely when you have a houseful of teenagers tramping in & out but...well, there it is.

OK, I'm gonna sign off before I get anymore mushy & sloppy ;o)

Lotsa luv to all my peeps!

Insomnia Express

SIGH...I can't sleep. Big surprise. Problem is this is the 4th night in a row and my brain is screaming that it wants to sleep, but like a toddler...it just won't give in. My body isn't cooperating any better. I lay there & I can feel the darned sheet brush against my skin, which used to be such a nice feeling. You know...nice crisp, cool sheets, that perfect cool spot on the pillow? Now they're just irritants, they feel like sandpaper every night. I've tried every fabric known to man & they're all the same.

So, I got up & stormed downstairs, pissed at the world after torturing myself for 3 1/2 hours. I was so pissed that I cleaned most of my kitchen & cleaned out my fridge while I was at it. I'm soooo gonna regret that one in the morning LOL. Meanwhile, my poor dog is looking at me like he's afraid his mommy has finally lost her last marble and he keeps peeking surreptitiously around the room as if pink penguins are gonna come and steal his little stub of a tail any minute now. ;o)

Well...my cleaning fit finally wound down & I made my self a glass of iced tea to try to calm myself down. Eventually, I'll just "shut down". My brain & body will literally almost turn off & I'll probably sleep for a whole day. Strangely enough, that's usually not really restful. Most of the time, when that happens, I wake up groggy & feel like someone doped me.

I guess I'll sign off now, not much more to say before I get REALLY melancholy, LOL.

Is this the Droid you're looking for?

So the Lyrica is finally gone. Woot!!! That was definitely not a fun time. The Fibro pain is kind of flip-flopping. Some days are OK, some days positively suck...in other words} same shit-different day LOL. I have to give kudos to my son though. He was a real trooper during that whole ordeal. I think it scared him to see me so disoriented and almost frail. He was a HUGE help to me and really played his "A" game (MWAH, Harley!).

Things are pretty much status quo at home. Getting ready to send Harley off to his senior year of High School. Where the hell did the time go. It seems like not so long ago we were buying Spongebob Squarepants lunchboxes & now we're buying Tripp pants & Black Veiled Bride t-shirts for school. SIGH...it goes by so freaking fast!!! BUT, I do have to say, it's been one helluva ride & I've got one helluva wicked great kid!! How many other mom's get Rob Zombie CD's for Christmas & can go to the same concerts with their sons?? It's great to be able to go music shopping with him at Hot Topic & see the faces of the store clerks *evil grin*.

So, my news?? I got a new smart phone - The LG Ally. It's one of the Droid phones and is uber cool. It does more things than my friggin computer, I think. Now if I can just figure out where the hell my text messages are & my voice mail I'll be all set ROFLMAO.

Thought for the day:

Skinny girls are for wimps!! Embrace your fluffiness!

Lyrica Schmyrica

Well, I found out that I'm not a good candidate for Lyrica. I was on the lowest dose for about 5 days and it made me dizzy, lightheaded & extremely sleepy. My doc took me off of it today, thank GOD! I was a little scared, not knowing what was making that happen. It was like walking upside down through a bowl of jello. I do tend to react strongly to certain meds, and YAY ME, Lyrica is one of them...well POOH! Thankfully the doc said that the side effects should be gone in about 24-36 hours. WHEW!

K...going back to sleep now. Just wanted to letcha know ;o)

BLEARGH!!!

Just a short post today. I feel like shit covered in shit. I'm pretty sure it's just the break-in period with the new meds, but OMG! it's crazy. I'm dizzy as hell, I have this horrible taste in my mouth, I'm super exhausted & my cognitive skills have jumped out the friggin' window! Oh yeah, let's not forget the fucking hot flashes. This has been going on since Thursday. I was hoping that by today (Sunday) I would have adjusted, but it looks like luck is not gonna be on my side. I'm supposed to go out with my friend for coffee & wedding shopping today but I don't know. Everytime I stand up the room spins.

I know in my head that this will eventually go away, but right now it makes me want to cry & bury my head in my pillow. YUCK!!

Life is NOT like a box of chocolates!

Chocolate is good & yummy and you always look forward to more. Life...well, life just sucks sometimes. I've never met a shitty chocolate...ever!

Today is one of those damned days that I wish would just disappear into oblivion. I look at my mom & grandmother and wonder what I'll be like by the ages of 60 or 80? This fibro-shit isn't getting any better. Will I be in a wheelchair drooling all over myself? Will I progress from a snarky bitch to a bitter cunt? SIGHHHHHH...some day's it just doesn't pay to think at all.

Thank GOD for my friends & family; because without them I might just give in to this. I just want to have a good day now & then. But that doesn't seem to be in the cards right now. Just when I think I've had all the crap I can handle, more crap piles on. Between the fibro, chronic fatigue (CFS), IBS, restless leg syndrome (RLS) the eye infection, hands swelling up & itching, breaking out in hives & my hair seeming to thin out, I wonder...WTF!!!!!! Leave me the fuck alone already. I don't need any more!

They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I say, BULLSHIT! I should be fucking Conan the Barbarian by now. Yick, I think I'm making myself more depressed. I really think I could use a Wonder Woman costume and the invisible jet wouldn't be a bad addition, too. Or maybe I should do the invisible man thing (woman?). That way I could just fade into the background for a while.

I know this is kind of random and my thoughts are spilling out all over the place. Bear with me. I'll climb out of the funk, eventually. My love and prayers go out to all of my friends & family who have to deal with me and my support also goes out to all of my fellow Fibro Warriors ((HUGS)).

MWAH!

Bite Me is not a threat...it's a good time ;o)

Ever feel like you're watching your life from the outside-in? That's what I've felt like the last couple of days. Had a rough day with my son yesterday. Nothing serious, but it kind of blew up into a volcano of stupidity (mostly on my part). I hate that the Fibro pain not only attacks me physically, but emotionally as well. I hate that I blow up over the small stuff and don't feel equipped to handle even the most mundane parental matters sometimes. I'm sitting here looking at a bottle of diet root beer wishing it didn't say "root" ;o) I could really use a drink, vacation, whatever.

Tomorrow's another visit to my Fibro doc. Wonder what good stuff that visit will bring?? hmmmm??? I guess I'm not feeling all that optimistic tonight. What I really feel like doing is kick-boxing or some of that stuff on MMA. Not that I wouldn't totally pay for it after, but it would feel really good to shove my foot in someone's face with great force (preferably some stupid idiot with giant tribal tattoos) and hear that satisfying "smoosh" sound. Ahh, well...I guess it's a good thing I'm already in my PJ's LOL!

On a slightly funny note: I took my dogs to the groomers yesterday and Yawkey (the black one) had muck stuck in his beard and they had to cut it all off. OMG! He looks like either a miniature Doberman or a giant Chihuahua...mwahahahahaha!!!! I love our groomer, Brenda! She's the bestest! ;o)

Well, I'm gonna go try that elusive thing known as sleep (ha-ha-ha). Love ya peeps!!

Quote for the day:

I have a "carpe diem" mug and truthfully, at six in the morning, the words do not make me want to seize the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet. ~Joanne Sherman