FML! (rant warning)

I wonder sometimes how certain people in my life would handle having Fibro for just one day? Not very well, I think. Dealing with fibro isn't just living with an ache or two. For me, its about surviving an all out attack on every square inch of my body, combined with severe headaches , frequent bouts of depression & the feeling that I'm trying to think through a vat of grey goop.

Tonight, I was undressed & in bed at 6pm because it was a horrible day (that's such a mild word for what I feel). Most of the day I could barely walk or stand up straight. My skin is on fire & I have severe pain in almost every part of my body. A certain family member, with what I realize now was false concern, asked me how I was feeling & what I was doing. I told them that I was in bed because I felt like shit run over by shit. How does this person respond? By asking me to go run an errand for them because they're tired of having their time interrupted...let's not forget that the errand was, in fact important. So I snapped "fine!" Into the phone & hung up on them. AND this person can't possibly fathom why the freaking fuck I'm pissed at them?!

I CHOOSE not to talk to them right now because I know that anything that comes outta my mouth will be nothing less than pure venom. Really...they should be thankful of my silence.

I guess I feel so angry because I was made to feel like what i'm dealing with is sooooo trivial compared to this person's dinner plans. Well, so much for their promises of support & fake shows of consideration. Shit...the next 8 to 10 months are just gonna be so damned much fun *dripping with sarcasm). Someone give me 2x4 so I can knock myself out please!

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In The Wee Hours...

UGH! I've been trying to sleep for hours now and it's just no use! My body's saying "Yaaawwwwnnn" but my mind is saying "YIPEE!!!" Well crap! These are the moments that make living with Fibro suck a royal one!

My dogs even crapped out on me tonight and are laying there dreaming about hot little poodles ;o)



For anyone who's interested, here's a pic of my dogs (Yawkey & Brady).

A New Hope...

Today's doctor visit went pretty well. He asked tons of questions and answered tons of questions from my mom ;o) The "poke" test was AWFUL. For anyone with Fibro, you're probably well aware of the torture of that particular test. For those that don't know, the doctor applies strong pressure to 18 specific tender points on your body, including your chest, neck, shoulders, lower back, mid back, knees & elbows, etc. I tested positive on all 18...some worse than others. Needless to say, I flinched, screeched, swore & cried...UGH!

But, he did confirm that my case of fibro is pretty bad. He also told me something new...they used to think that the fatigue (CFS) worsened the Fibro and caused a lot of the pain. They now believe it's the opposite...the Fibro is the root cause of the CFS and if you treat the pain, the fatigue will lessen. I really liked him. He kind of reminded me physically of Mel Torme' or a munchkin from The Wizard of Oz. He has a great sense of humor (which I truly appreciate) and was honest and caring. All things this chick appreciates!

The unfortunate thing, is that the "poke" test has set off some serious kick-ass pain. I can barely move now and it just seems to be getting worse as the evening progresses. I can't lay comfortably in my bed...I can't be comfy in any position. He put me on a new med (Cymbalta) & took me off of some, too (YAYY).

I go back to Dr. Papernick in three weeks for a follow up. I'm really looking forward to getting my treatment kicked into high gear.

Oh yeah...THANK YOU and a big MWAHHHHH to all of my friends (RW & FB) for their support and love. My special thanks to Peanut for always being there and never doubting my pain. I love you all more than I can ever say!!!

Word of the Day!
Shananigator: (N) A person who instigates shananigans